March 1st… that sacred day where children all over the world rush down the stairs to see their parent’s smiling faces and think…. “We were not turned in to mice by witches this year!!” That’s right. It is Witch Hysteria Day! Gee golly, Double Double Toil and Trouble! Seems like just yesterday this holiday was hitting its peak (actually in 1692) with those crazy kids at Salem… course it shortly died out there after when people realized those kids were just straight crazy. The actual Witch Trials were horrific, demeaning, and to be honest pretty ridiculous but that is no different than so many of the other holidays we still celebrate (Yes, I am talking about you Valentine’s Day). For those of you with memories of Witch Hysteria Days passed and many family traditions, I hope you enjoy a day full of enchanting fun. For people like me that are celebrating their first ever Witch Hysteria Day, check out these fun suggestions for how to get in the holiday spirit.
- Read your horoscope. I personally do not condone the occult but hey, it’s a special holiday. Calories don’t count on Christmas do they?
- Accuse your neighbor of being a witch. If they are a witch, better you found out now. If they end up not being a witch, think about the laughs you will share the next time you ask to borrow a cup of sugar. In case you are not sure how to tell they are a witch, I have included four easy ways to tell. First, they are more active during a full moon (March 25th is the next one). Second, you constantly have the urge to dare your friends to knock on their door and then run away screaming. Third, she would rather use a broom than a steam mop. Seriously, steam mops are the future. If all else fails, compare his or her weight to a duck’s. If they are the same, they are a witch. Obviously.
- Watch a Mary-Kate and Ashley film
- Laugh fear in the face and prove to your friends you are “boss” by biting off a witch’s finger
- Cast a couple of simple spells. Because I did not want you to have to Google any, I Googled one for you. Do not worry I used that incognito feature so my browser history is safe. How about a break up spell in honor of February which just ended.
Visualizing your lover standing with you in a wooded clearing under a full moon. Then visualize a white cord tied first to your waist and then to his/hers. Next, call out to the God/ess,
“Once bound together , Through love and understanding, I now choose, To walk a different path, To cast off the ties of our union, And to separate our lives. Bittersweet though our parting be, Let my heart and soul be free. “
Visualize yourself untying the cord from your own waist and walking away from the clearing, leaving him/her behind.
Of course if spells are not your thing, there is always also the simple yet effective “S/he Gone!” text message.
6. Spend the entire day listening to nothing but Superstition by Stevie Wonder , Witchy Woman by the Eagles , and Black Magic Woman by Santana
As for me, I plan on doing something a bit more… Salem. Stay tuned!